A few weeks ago, I issued a challenge to wives. I urged you to consider your role as a companion and helper to your husband. To be intentional in learning about your position as a wife.
Read more about this challenge here: Intentional Marriage – For Wives
Now that the thought has been marinating for a little while, I’d love to know if anyone has accepted it. Or if you at least thought it sounded good in theory, but the past three weeks have gone by so fast that you are still mulling over the if, how, and when.
If you’re anything like me, the longing for improvement isn’t necessarily enough. Something either has to be a top priority (which means I have to find it of greater significance than the other 1000 things on my plate at any given moment), or it has to be so satisfying and simple that it’s recreational.
It is my understanding that being a wife can (and should!) be both of great importance and enjoyable. The latter is so much richer when rooted deeply in the former, so let’s start with first things first.
Making your spouse a top priority. Your second, to be exact. After God. Before anything else.
If you agree with that statement, feel free to scroll down (below the picture) and meet up with us there. If you aren’t sure, then I’d love to take this opportunity to offer a little encouragement by taking a look at a few things I’ve learned regarding just how critical this role of wife is.
For the most part, we all would say that family is more important than career or “stuff”. Although I’m sure there are countless reasons, I am often confronted with three basic arguments for placing our role as wives farther down the list.
1) “I’m sure it’s easy to focus on your husband when it’s just the two of you. Just wait til you have kids.”
If this thought crossed your mind, you’re not alone. I’ve actually been told this on more than one occasion, and I realize that in order for my words to have any value to wives who are also moms, this statement (which is certainly true in some regards) needs to be addressed. Furthermore, if you read The Rest of our Story, you know the above comment cuts deep, and that of course anyone in my shoes would feel the pang of anguish that comes along with such words. Yet my response to this statement is not born out of a defensive or emotional state. And I don’t believe it is out of ignorance. It actually comes from a place of recognizing just how much children gain from the stability of their parents. And from understanding that the need to make my husband a top priority isn’t a question of how important my other obligations are, but rather, how valuable our marriage truly is. Intentionality in your role as a wife, just may serve your children in ways you wouldn’t imagine!
2) “My husband doesn’t care about bettering our marriage, so why should I?”
This one is actually a little more difficult to address. I have found the simple answer to be “because you took a vow”. But as women, our emotions are powerful, and as long as we allow our feelings to take the driver seat, logic will lack any motivation. I urge you to consider that perhaps the very reason you should seek betterment in your role as a wife is because it will free you from this worldly logic. Plus, I think it’s safe to say the effort will have an impact in other areas of your life as well (as a mom, friend, and coworker) while providing you with the proper tools to address this concern.
Keep in mind that one struggle we face as wives is the constant tendency to look toward our friends’ relationships, social media, or even Hollywood to assess how our husbands measure up. If you think your husband doesn’t care because he doesn’t show it in the way you expect, you just might be surprised to learn how deeply he cares.
3) “Our marriage is great just the way it is.”
That’s wonderful! Imagine what it could be if you strengthened it even more on purpose.
Humor me for a moment, and spend a minute or two contemplating these next few questions… What if you set everything else aside and just considered how much your support matters to your husband? What if you are the only person on earth who possesses the ability to empower him to be the kind of man, husband, and father he is meant to be — that I’m guessing you desire him to be? What if simply realigning your priorities so that your husband is second on your list made everything else a little easier?
Here’s the deal. I’ve anything but mastered this wife thing, and I am certainly no expert. I’m just a woman (who makes mistakes and has fallen down more than her fair share) living with a man (who I’m madly in love with yet who also makes mistakes) in this crazy thing called marriage. Someday I hope I can claim having wisdom to impart, but for now I’m happy to have the help of others’ in figuring it out.
I recently completed a book that rocked my world and completely changed the way I view my role as a wife. I knew it was a good read the moment I picked it up, and wasn’t even a chapter in before I desired to send a copy to every wife I know. (If I’d had the budget for it, I probably would have. I know a LOT of wives though, so the mortgage had to come first.) I thought I was working at loving my husband well before, yet this book helped me see that although I was working hard (and even successfully much of the time), I wasn’t necessarily working smart.
“Sacred Influence” by Gary Thomas answered so many of the questions I’ve had throughout our marriage, and is one of those books that you want to read over and over again just to burn the message in to your brain. For that reason, I’m going to read through it again! Last time I read it on my own, so this time I’d love to have a few wives join me so that we can discuss each chapter.
Which is where the how and when to said challenge comes in. Sometimes community gives us the push we need to “make things happen”, so consider this your push.
How:
Get yourself a copy of Sacred Influence. (To be clear, I’m in no way affiliated with the book or anyone who benefits from selling it. I have just truly benefited from reading it, and for that reason encourage others to do the same. The book is based on Biblical principles, yet all wives are welcome regardless of your faith background. It’s written by a man, and contains a lot of information that would be helpful to any woman who lives with a husband.)
When:
One great aspect of online community is the freedom to join in at your convenience – whether it’s during a break at work, or when you finally have five minutes to yourself at home. As for a date, I plan to start discussion on chapter one on April 22nd. Which gives you plenty of time to get to the store, have the book delivered, or download it to your device and begin reading.
Of course discussion means I want to hear from you as well, so please send a message or leave comments if you’re joining us. You can even use an alternate name in order to remain anonymous if you prefer. That being said, please keep in mind this is my personal blog, and only comments that contribute in a positive manner will be allowed.
Also, if you are local, I love coffee! Let’s meet up and have a cup. Otherwise, the conversation can be found here.
Here’s to being intentional in our marriage and new sisterly friendships!
-m
