When I said my vows, I pledged to love and cherish my husband in both the good times and the bad. We expected there to be highs and lows throughout our marriage. We worked out a general understanding of how we were going to navigate together through the peaks and valleys and assumed we’d figure the rest out. The best of times have really never been a problem for us. The worst of times tend to send us into survival mode, and we’ve come out on the other side stronger and better for it. But it is those ordinary, in-between times when things start to get a little fuzzy. When there’s nothing particularly special to be excited about, and nothing especially challenging that has us proceeding with caution, I find it’s easiest to be ruled by how I feel in the moment.
The dangerous thing about relying on emotions is that they can easily lead you astray. Knowing this, I have tried to act independently of how I felt, yet that was easier said than done. For a long time I thought it meant either setting aside my emotions – which let’s face it, can lead to deeper hurt or resentment – or trying like crazy to get him to understand how I felt only to become more frustrated when nothing made sense anymore. These moments of misalignment were painful for both of us, and every time we tried to overcome them, we just wound up even more confused, until eventually we were so tired of that distance between us that we gave up on working through whatever was causing a rift. While the ability to walk away together for a time can be good in marriage, we needed a way to come back to those issues and figure them out.
Back before I was a full-time photographer, I worked in the insurance industry and had to learn a few specifics about the glass coverage we placed on vehicles. If you’ve ever had a ding in your windshield, you know that it can go from the smallest dot to a crack the entire length of the glass in little more than an instant. You can actually watch it crawl right before your eyes and at that point, there’s nothing you can do about it. Glass coverage typically provides the insured with complimentary fixes while it’s just a small chip. With the proper tools, it can be fixed fairly inexpensively, and the insurance companies understand that if you let it go, it can suddenly become such a problem that the entire window needs to be replaced. A very costly alternative to correcting the problem while it’s still small.
Marriage can be like that windshield. If we ignore those small dings, and neglect the opportunity to fix them early on, we may be surprised at just how quickly those problems grow while we stand by watching helplessly. Simply wanting the fix, though, doesn’t make it happen. It takes time, yes. But having the proper tools and the know-how will make all the difference.
Sometimes those tools are most easily obtained through the knowledge and wisdom of others, and I am so incredibly thankful for the amazing resources at our fingertips that have provided us with just that. If you haven’t already heard, I am inviting all wives to join me in reading through a book that I think you’ll find a tremendous help in understanding your role as a wife, and learning more about your husband. Starting next week, I’m beginning a series on Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. There’s still time to get your copy and join us as we dive in to the first chapter on Wednesday, April 22nd.
Read more about this upcoming series here:
Intentional Marriage – for wives (part two)
Intentional Marriage – for wives
In the same way that fixing one ding doesn’t make glass resistant to another one down the road, having the proper tools won’t prevent us from facing trials. It simply gives us the ability to move forward, knowing that when a rock hits, we can confidently say, “I got this!”
-m
PS. I’m so excited to have you join me on this journey! Be sure to say hi in the comments below.
