Last November, we made an announcement, informing all of our friends and family – and likely even some strangers – that we had officially taken the first step to begin the adoption process. If there is anything we have learned in the past three months, it’s just how applicable that word “PROCESS” would turn out to be.
The Mister and I are not the type to simply go through motions or do something just to say we did. Usually I rather appreciate that quality about us, but there are instances such as this when I would give anything to just forgo the process and skip ahead to one of those cute little check-marks that make a to-do list feel more like a happy place. One might think that having the end goal of a long-awaited baby in our arms would be enough incentive to move heaven and earth in order to power through those check marks in record timing. That was certainly my intention.
Until recently, I had an extremely limited understanding of the process of adoption. I’ve not walked the journey in its entirety with close friends or family, nor have I ever had a personal relationship with anyone who’d been adopted. From the outside, it doesn’t seem such a difficult concept to comprehend… Child in need of a family, meet adults who are willing and able to care for you. Or more specifically to our situation… Couple desperately longing for a child of your own, there are thousands of children in need of a loving home. Just go get one!
If you’ve thought something similar, you are hardly alone. And we don’t blame you one bit. We were once there too.
But the reality is, of course, it just isn’t that simple. And I don’t just mean legally.
There are emotions that need to be addressed. Unmet expectations that need to be grieved. Hopes and dreams that ignite a blazing fire, only to be met with an extinguishing flood of fears and sorrows. It’s so much heavy all at once, and no matter how desperately you want to pick it all up and hurl it forward, some days the best you can manage is a single tiny pebble.
When we announced to the world that we were stepping forward with the adoption process, we really had no idea what we were getting into. We were overwhelmed with love and support, and were taken aback by how many of you genuinely care about our journey to parenthood.
Admittedly, we were also a little caught off guard with questions we weren’t prepared for, and opinions we were ill-equipped to receive. We recognized pretty quickly, as first-time-adoptive-parents-to-be, our need for grace as we stumble through this unknown territory. And we also recognize our need to have grace with those who are equally unfamiliar with their sudden role as our support-system.
It is there, in the place where in need of grace collides with the need to extend grace, that I sit as I begin writing again. Partly because getting it down on paper is a therapeutic means of processing and sorting through my own thoughts and feelings. And partly because so many loved ones that we’ve had face to face conversations with lately have expressed gratitude for our honesty and transparency when sharing what goes on in the hearts of hopeful yet fearful first-time-adoptive-parents-to-be.
And so, for those who desire to understand how to love us or someone who is going through this journey, who long for insight into what to say and when the time is right to just be silent but just aren’t sure how to ask, and also for those who have hungered after the words to define a very complicated and deeply integrated part of their own adoption story, we humbly open these pages of a new chapter with you… The ink is still fresh, so you will have to excuse any smudges that develop as we thumb through the messy, unpolished story that is still being written.
Join me right back here on Wednesday, February 28th with a cup of coffee, and maybe a box of tissues, as we go back several years to the day that I first knew my heart was being called to adoption. In the meantime, hit me up with your questions! I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to answer all of them, but I will read every single one and will do my best to offer any insight or direction I can.
-m
